Brotherly Tears of Love

On our way home from the Costco last night, wait, that's right, I said Costco. Sometimes you need to go buy a pack of 30 D sized batteries for $15 or 6 pillows for $30, and sometimes you need to taste test food in the aisles right before buying enough Sonic toothbrush heads to last you 3 years. Moving on...

After our adventure in Costco we all piled in a very tight Jetta. Every seat filled; my Mom was in the backseat with Landon, our 8 year old, who was in the middle and then Adeline was in her infant car seat. Right as we pulled out of the parking lot Adeline woke, and she woke hangry. That's right, hangry. It's a combination of hungry and angry. Hangry. We should have stopped right then and let her breast feed, but apparently that didn't cross anyone's mind, not even mine.

Normally the trip from Costco home takes about 15 minutes with no traffic, lights, and or trains. Last night we hit every light, in traffic and even a the train crossing! That translates to roughly a 30 min drive home, and with a crying newborn that translates to forever. We all did our best to try to calm her, Landon and my Mom tried shhhhh-ing her, I tried lying to her, "Okay, Addie, baby almost home, almost there." Derek tried to hit every pot hole possible trying to sooth her back to sleep. She was not having it. She was pissed, I could almost hear her protests in her quivering-lip-newborn-cry, "Where is the boooooooooob?!!! I want my miiiiiiiiiiiilk!! MaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAA!!"

Right as we were getting ready to pull onto our street, we stopped. A train. "Oh look, Landon! A train!" Normally he loves watching them, but he was not having it. All the adults in the car laughed and then something very endearing happened. Landon started to cry.

He was holding back tears for a while, and now that they were coming down, I could see that. That train was his last straw. As he leaned on my Mom, the tears flowed down, and she asked him what was wrong. His sweet response, in between his cry was, "I don't want the baby to cry." Melt. My. Heart. We assured him that she wasn't in any pain, and she was okay, just hungry. This is how babies communicate sometimes because they can't talk. Mom rubbed his back and I held his hand. He quietly sobbed.

Adeline was 8 days old before 
Landon asked to hold her.
He voiced to us that he was 
"afraid he would break her."

And for the next 8 minutes I soaked in this loving moment. I took a deep breath, layed my head on Derek's shoulder (remember the car was in "Park" because of the train), and tried to commit every tear, sob and newborn cry to memory. I know the day is coming when they will argue; I will have to assist in conflict resolution, I will have to assure them that I love them both the same. I know this sibling stuff is coming, as much as I don't want it to. There was plenty of it in our house growing up, and I love both my brothers, unconditionally. But for now, Landon was a big brother, so concerned with his little sister's needs it brought him to tears. Big, beautiful, loving, brotherly tears. 

When we got home I fed Adeline and Landon went to his room to gather himself together. After he had stopped crying and had a comforting talk with his Daddy, he came in, kissed Adeline on the forehead (for the first time), and got a big hug from me. Then he went back to his room and played. The moment was over, but it's forever been imprinted on my heart and in my mind. 

This parenting thing, it's amazing. Not because of me, or Derek, but because of them. They are amazing little wonders, and I hope and pray I'm able to constantly see the beauty in moments like that one.