15 Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a miraculous time in a woman's life. A time when you are literally "one" with your child, and life is beautiful. Our bodies are amazing ladies! We can grow a whole person inside our bodies in around 40 weeks! Men, we do need you, but your physical contribution in comparison just isn't miraculous or amazing. Sorry. We are amazing!! Life is so wonderful; everyone complements you, congratulates you and accommodates you. Life is great for a pregnant woman, thicker, fuller hair, a "glow" and bigger boobs! Yay pregnancy!! True. Annnnnnnd false. 

If you know anything about me, you know that I LOVE pregnant women and the beautiful power and strength they hold. Hey, I'm even pursuing a career in child birth education and lactation consulting. Clearly, I love pregnancy, birth, breast feeding and everything in between. We. Are. Amazing. 

But for those of you who are getting pregnant for the first time, I want you to know about some of the things that may accompany these wonderful times of bliss so you aren't in shock, like I was with this second pregnancy. There were days when I would look at Derek, holding back tears, I would shout at him, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY?!"

You should know that my first pregnancy with Landon was amazing! I hardly experienced any of these symptoms, just a bigger appetite, belly, boobs and eventually a bigger butt. Thank you 2 AM pint-sized feedings of Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter. Hey, this is a judgement free zone, right?

If you prefer to stay in the 'Ignorance is Bliss' category, I totally understand. Stop reading. Now.

If you are my brother or Dad or anyone that holds me on a pedestal, you may want to also stop reading. Or not, it may be fun to read a list about your sister who has a hard time controlling her flatulence and bladder.

For women who are pregnant, or have been, I hope you find this amusing, and will laugh with me as you read. Read on!

15 Truths About Pregnancy

1. Your body is no longer your own. This is the most important thing to understand. Everything else just follows this one fact, you are the physical provider for a growing, thriving human being.

2. Start your exercise and kegels before you get pregnant or every time you sneeze or cough you will have to change your underwear. There are now even apps to help you with your kegels. I downloaded Kegel Kat because I like that the cat is wearing a headband, and meows on the "squeeze" part, but to each their own.

Kegel Kat can help you with your Kegels!

3. You may become very acquainted with your toilet bowl, you may even deem yourself a "professional puker" like I did, because some days it may feel like your job. Try to find the silver lining in everything or it will be a long 9 months, with this one, it's hard. I know. Just trust that one day, the nausea will stop and you will be able to eat normal food again.

4. Sometimes you're going to feel like punching your husband in the face as much as you love him. Just say no. Punching is never good for a relationship, especially if he's only asking you if you want almond butter on your toast. "What kind of questions is that?!?! Of course I do!! UGGGH!!" Just breathe, respond, smile, and walk away.

5. It's hormones. It's always hormones. There will be days where everything makes you angry, or cry uncontrollably, or laugh hysterically. Take it in stride. If it's an angry day, try to warn your husband and keep your distance. He will thank you in the end, and you will love him more for respecting your space.

6. Find a support group. I am so blessed to be going through this with one of my closest friends. So on days where I pee my pants from sneezing I can send her a text about it. It makes me feel more normal to get a text back saying, "I hear you, I did that 3 times last night."

Yes, this is a real text I sent a friend.

7. There will be days where you cannot get out of bed from exhaustion, and after taking a 5 minute shower, you will need a 20 minute nap, just because that was SO EXHAUSTING. Take that nap. Take lots of them, even if that means calling a friend and saying, "I'm running 20 min late." If you have good friends, they will understand.

8. You will pee all the time. All the time. In the first trimester it's hormonal, the third it's because you did such a wonderful job growing a baby and he or she now likes to use your bladder as a trampoline. Don't get frustrated when you have to run to the bathroom because you feel like your bladder is SO full, and two drops come out. That really means that had you not made it to the bathroom, it wouldn't have been as bad as your originally thought.

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9. Sometimes it feels like the baby knows Kung-Fu, or is a very tiny kick-boxing professional. It hurts. Just breathe through it. Once the baby is born, you will miss those movements.

10. You will fart. Even when you try not to. I don't think I need to elaborate on that. 

11. You will grunt like an old woman. Every time you get out of the car (why are some of them so low to the ground?!) it may sound like you are trying to push the baby out already. Really, some days I am reminded of helping my Granny get in and out of the car. And it's not every day, just on the days where I'm overly exhausted. Let your husband open the door for you, and on days where you feel like an old woman, ask him for a little help getting out. Then, make sure you say, "thank you". And mean it.

12. Your body will hurt at times, find a great chiropractor, if you don't have one already (I know many, let me know if you need one), and trust your body's ability to heal and change. Your pelvis is going to shift and change, and the ligament laxity necessary for birth is going to add instability to all of your joints (this is supposed to happen), but you will ache. Badly. Again, find a chiropractor, one that practices Webster Technique, they will help balance your pelvis, creating more room for your baby and more comfort for you. I'm so grateful to be married to my chiropractor, trust me, they are an essential part of your pregnancy team. Also, I've found prenatal yoga helps. Remember, our bodies were made to do this, but sometimes we need help. 

13. Sleep will become a hard thing to accomplish at night. Between getting up to pee 5 times a night, being overwhelmed with the checklist of things you have to accomplish to prepare for the baby, leg cramps, and indigestion it will seem impossible to sleep. I swear to you, Derek has had to help me roll over to get out of bed to use the bathroom. Sometimes I just get stuck on my back with no energy to roll all-the-way-over and out of the bed. I have a good husband. Remember how I said to take naps. Take naps.

14. You may feel like the most popular, interesting person with all the appointments you have to go to. They will want to know what you're eating, how much weight your gaining, how you're feeling and what your plans and preferences are. Look at it as your baby's first fan club. It will be easier and more fun that way.

15. Baby brain is a real thing. The baby gets all those nutrients, essential fatty acids, and everything we put into our body first. Then you get the leftovers. Sometimes, there are no leftover for memory. There were days where mid-sentence I would forget what I was saying. Gone. No idea. It was like trying to read  a blank page with no page to turn back to and reference for a little information. If you can take fish oil this will help, if you can't keep it down (like me), then just rely on check lists, post-its and the patience of others. 

I just want to thank my friend Hilary for inspiring this. I will never forget about 6 months into her marriage I called her to catch up and she said to me, "It's hard! No one ever tells you how hard it is!! They always say it's wonderful! Well, I'm going to tell you, Heather, because I love you. Marriage is hard!" 

So, there you have it, pregnancy IS beautiful, but it is also hard, and not very pretty at times. But those good parts, they really are great. So great that we have over populated the planet. Go us! Treasure the life-giving moments of pregnancy, and just laugh at the rest of it. God has a sense of humor, we should too. Perhaps He is preparing us to love a little person with all of the same digestive, sleep, and emotional issues we had for the last 9 months. Life is beautiful, trek on, create more life and do it with your fuller hair and glowing skin!



To our men: Thank you. Thank you for loving us and still finding us beautiful despite all of these "fun facts". We need you, not just to get pregnant, but to love and support us while we are pregnant. 

I've now gone through pregnancy without and with a husband, and, Derek, you make this a thousand times easier. Thank you for holding me when I cry for no reason, for cleaning and cooking while I can't stand the smell or even the sight of food, for loving Landon while I was too weak to get out of bed. Thank you for helping me get in and out of the car and bed. And thank you for reminding me that I am beautiful even when I don't feel it. You are amazing, I love you.

Rainbow Baby

So much has happened since my last post, I'm not even sure where to start.

Recapping on the year span in my mind there are two events that comes to mind, and that is being pregnant, twice.  

September 11th, 2012 we lost a baby. I can't call it a miscarriage because I wasn't far enough into the pregnancy to medically deem it a miscarriage (which is 20 weeks, by the way), so they call it a "spontaneous abortion". Sounds so much better than miscarriage, doesn't it? Nothing like a good-old-medical term to bring some true comfort. Uh,huh.

That feeling, that indescribable feeling... and silence. There was a lot of silence to accompany the tears and sleep the week or so following. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was completely drained emotionally and physically. I took a week off of work, and laid in bed the whole time. I felt exhausted, guilty, depressed, helpless, and mostly just wanted Derek to hold me all the time or my Mom, who was thousands of miles away, to play with my hair. After returning to work I heard that "it happens to lots of women and is actually more common than you'd think." I know it does, I know it is, but it still left a mark on my heart, and it left a longing there too.

With a lot of real talking, number crunching (on my responsible husband's end), and prayer by the New Year Derek and I were talking seriously about having another little heart around to warm our home even more. Some days were filled with tears and struggles, and some days were filled with daydreaming and talk of names. Our decision really came down to Faith and Love. As all things should, but often don't.

Derek's birthday present to me this past year, was saying, "Let's grow our family". Best. Birthday. Present. EVER. Seriously. I like to think that baby Adeline Grace was the last great adventure we began, together, right before I turned 30. Ahhh, my twenties were amazing!

We found out mid-February that I was pregnant, and if you want to read Derek's view on finding out you'll have to read his blog (http://drdadvice.blogspot.com)I find it endearing, and hysterical. 

As for me the last half of February, all of March, April and most of May went something like this: vomit, sleep, eat, vomit, sleep, sleep, vomit, eat, and vomit ::repeat:: With work in there too of course. For those of you who have ever gotten the flu, you still have no idea what those months were like. Sorry. I now have a vomiting PR of 12 times in 6 hours, take that flu!! I, honestly, think it was God's way of humbling me. One of my closest friends, Kristin, found out she was pregant 2 weeks before me and when she came in sick and feeling awful I said this to one of the Doctors in our office, "I feel so bad for Kristin. I just don't get sick when I'm pregnant. I'm not one of those pregnant woman." HA! If I were God I would have humbled me too. Thank you, God, lesson learned. Promise. Please, no more nausea. And I really did feel awful for Kristin, I love that wonderful woman so much, it's hard to see your friends feel downright cruddy.

We waited to tell Landon until we had more confirmation than just an at home pregnancy test. Poor Landon, because of how sick I'd been he actually thought I was dying, well, first he thought it was food poisoning, and then he thought I was dying. He asked his Dad one night, "Does Mommy have a disease?" No baby, I'm just pregnant. 

When we finally told him, this was his reaction. 

**Disclaimer** Our home was a mess, my husband is amazing and helps with dishes, dinner and laundry year round (take a hint other men), but I do a few things too, and at this point I had basically been in bed for 3 months while home with the occasional trip to the bathroom, so try not to judge. I know, it's hard.

Landon is very excited, he talks to my belly often, and kisses it frequently. He is always telling his baby sister he loves her, and asking me to translate what she says in response to his sweet affirmations. So cute. He's a wonderful big brother already, and he can't wait to try out some Baby Wearing with the Ergo. I can't wait to watch the two of them fall in love with each other, it's going to be a special relationship, I can feel it.

This baby, this little wonderful bundle that is due to come in a few more weeks, is a blessing, and what I have now found out will be our "Rainbow Baby". Thank you Urban Dictionary for your definition. It, surprisingly, warmed my heart. 

"In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison. The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery."

Thank you, God, for our storm and our Rainbow Baby. We are all very excited to watch her grow and shine bright. After all, this world could use some more color!

California Love

On Sunday night when I was so full of inspiration and warm fuzzy feelings I should have written it down. On Sunday night when we sat on an airplane, and I reflected on all the wonderful moments Derek and I had with each other and our friends, I should have written it down. Now I grasp onto some random moments in my head and on my heart, but surely they are missing bits. Kind of like the Landon's smile- you know he's smiling, but clearly he's missing some very important teeth. Sorry. Bad analogy, but you get it. I bet I would have had a better analogy on Sunday... So here are some of my favorite moments from over the weekend, in no particular order of course!

Late night talks and laughter with Noah and Michelle before bedtime.

Paleo breakfast with my soul sisters in Santa Monica.

Seeing a bit of Gloucester in a California home.

Feeling the water on Butterfly Beach, surprisingly not as cold in October as Good Harbor Beach in July.

Hugging my girls, taking photos, and just being with them again. 

Derek and I planning our future on a napkin outside one of his favorite L.A. breaky spots.

Holding Derek's hand (a favorite of mine, always- 
it just never gets old).

Seeing familiar places and discovering 100 new ones.

Talking to Carina on the phone while shuffling through $100 jeans that I would never buy.

Being able to be there when Michelle and Noah committed their lives to each other. 

Seeing Noah give Derek a key to their house because of tradition... I swear, I almost lost it in the middle of Urth Cafe. The heart these boys have, you'd swear they're women. ;)

Seeing Natalie and Mike so happy together and so appreciative of each other. It's wonderful to see friends in perfect relationships.

Seeing how old-time friends can get together and create new-time-fun.

Taking about inspiration, love and gratitude with Brendan and Derek over the blasting wedding music.

Watching the dolphins play in the waves with the surfers.

Eating yummy, healthy food!!

Seeing the way Noah and Michelle looked at each other during their first dance. Melt. My. Heart.

Groundworks Coffee every morning.

Laughing and dancing with a tipsy Derek on the walk home after the wedding. He was in rare form. I loved every second of it!

Napping on the beach on the sand. Enjoying the sunshine!

Hanging half-out of the window while Alexis drove alongside the beach with Brendan James' "Lucky One" BLASTING.

Morning walks with my Husband.

Having two "movie dates" with Derek on the airplane.

Hanging out and cuddling with Dexter the amazing dog.

Sleeping in till 9am East Coast Time and getting up at 6am West Coast Time! Feeling refreshed and still having all morning!

Going to a Sunday Morning Farmers' Market.

Daydreaming in the sunshine.

Stopping in Ventura to watch the surf. 

Hands out the window, catching the wind.

Seeing the Beautifully Strong Jen and finally meeting her lovely husband Dr. Nick. They have such an awesome practice out there!

Kiss Buggies, lots of them.

Driving on the PCH. ...Learning what PCH stood for. 

That perfect moment when Derek and I knew that California is where we'd like to settle in the end, and setting the goals to make it a reality... some day. 

Till then, 

I'm a very grateful,

 and very happy Beverlian.

Switzerland is for Love Stories

Derek and my First Year Wedding Anniversary was last week! So I thought I would tell you how we met. I think it's a pretty cool story, and it starts in Switzerland.

In 2003 Derek traveled Europe alone, meeting and making friends along his journey. Just like Derek, my close friends, Alishea and Katie, set out on a similar adventure to travel Europe. While staying in a hostel in Switzerland the three crossed paths and became fast friends; sharing stories about themselves and creating more stories together to tell friends and family back home. After a month or so of traveling Ali and Katie returned to Miami with photographs and stories to tell; many of both were about and of Derek. The night they shared these stories with me was the night I was really introduced to Derek (not including a post card Ali sent me from Switzerland that mentioned their new friend).

In late March of 2007, I created a MySpace account and was searching though “friends of friends” to find people to add to my contacts. I came across Derek’s profile page in Ali’s group of Top Friends. Remembering the stories about Derek, I looked through his profile (to verify this was the same guy, of course) and on April 29th I sent him an email. The email said, “…I'm Ali's friend Heather from Miami. You seem to be my kind of person. So I just wanted to say hi…” In which he replied, “…Any friend of Ali's has to be quite all right, so I'm sure you’re my kind of person too. Your son is adorable by the way...” And that was the beginning of it all.

From April till about November Derek and I sent long pages of emails back and forth about our day, our lives and who we were - really getting to know each other. Along with the lengthy, flirty emails we also exchanged pictures of sunrises and sunsets. Being on the East coast in Miami, I sent the sunrises. With Derek on the West coast in the Bay Area he, of course, sent the beautiful sunsets. Because of these exchanges, sunrises and sunsets hold a very special place in our hearts. We also exchanged gifts and music in the mail; he was the one to introduce me to my all-time favorite band Steven Kellogg and the Sixers.

It was around mid November when we exchanged phone numbers. Afraid to mess up the bond we’d created over the Internet we cautiously proceeded with text messages for the better part of a month. The night Derek actually called me still reminds me of being in middle school. The nervousness, the butterflies, the screaming girls - no really, he called on a “Girls Grey’s Anatomy Night”, and all craziness broke lose. Carina and Chrissy actually tried to wrestle me for the phone because I wasn’t going to pick up (and I didn’t). Eventually I pushed Carina and Chrissy out of the house, said goodnight to my Mom and walked outside. I paced around the driveway for a good 15 minutes and then made the call. Derek was charming and funny, as he was in his emails, and we stayed up all night talking, laughing and discussing what we thought the other person might have sounded like. Which wasn’t a big deal to someone on the West coast, but 4AM on the East coast with classes the next day… oh who am I kidding, it was totally worth it.

So when did we actually come together? Well, almost a full year after our first email interaction. February of 2008 was my 25th birthday, and I invited him to fly to Miami for it. Though he could justify the trip as a way to see Ali again (because they still kept in touch and had visited each other throughout the years), we both knew it was more than that. Derek flew out and when I picked him up at that airport I like to say it was love at first real sight, but he thinks maybe it was just a verification of the love that was already there. We’ve been together ever since…

You know, many people think meeting people on the Internet is, well, lame, but honestly thank God for it. Not only did it allow Derek and I to connect across the country, but who can honestly say that they have their first interactions and conversations written down somewhere? I’m so happy to be able to say, we do. 

…In a way, we did meet in Switzerland, that’s where our unexpected journey began.

And a year ago we got hitched... but that is a whole other blog post.

 Happy Anniversary, Love.